Video Nasty #12- The Burning

(1981)
Director: Tony Maylam
Writers: Harvey Weinstein, Bob Weinstein, Tony Maylam, Brad Grey, & Peter Lawrence

I'll admit it. I was REALLY late to The Burning. I saw it for the first time a little under a year ago (not realizing that it was one of the movies on my video nasty checklist), but that's okay because I saw it under the best possible circumstances and it quickly became one of my favorites. My friends and I had headed up to a fantastic drive-in theater (still in operation today!) near Pittsburgh for their bi-annual horror movie marathon weekend. We got there kind of late and had missed most of the first feature, Friday The 13th. But I had seen Friday The 13th so many times that I wasn't too disappointed. As we were setting up camp (yes, you can camp out at this drive-in too), The Burning started up. I had heard of The Burning and was pretty excited to see it, so I kind of crapped out on setting up tents and whatnot pretty early. By the time the movie was about halfway through, everyone else was fully engrossed as well. The were some other fantastic movies playing that weekend, not the least of which were Day Of The Dead and Return Of The Living Dead, but The Burning really stood out for me. So once I found that it was part of my required viewing of video nasties, I was real excited to revisit it.

The real star of The Burning (aside from the incomparable George Costanza) is Tom Savini's makeup effects. Fresh off of his work on Dawn Of The Dead and Friday The 13th, this is Savini at his peak. The effects, and the raft massacre in particular, are no doubt what got this film put on the nasties list.

The Burning centers around the campfire legend of Cropsy, a summer camp caretaker who is burned alive in a terrible prank gone wrong. He then wanders the woods seeking out victims to take revenge upon. It's not a particularly complex movie, but it's a lot of fun and unlike many other summer camp slasher flicks, the teenagers are actually, for the most part, pretty likable characters. If you enjoy a good slasher and you haven't seen this one, you're missing out.

Enjoyability: 11 out of 12 beers

 Quality: 9 out of 10 skulls

Video Nasty #11- Absurd

(1981)
Director: Joe D'Amato
Writer: George Eastman

Absurd (a.k.a. Horrible, a.k.a. Rosso Sangue, a.k.a. The Monster Hunter, a.k.a. Zombi 6, a.k.a. Anthropophagus II: Anthropophagus Harder) is a fairly paint-by-numbers slasher that could only have come from Joe D'Amato. While not actually a sequel to Anthropophagus (and having absolutely nothing to do with any of the other Zombi films), the film does take a few elements from D'Amato's previous film. It takes place in the United States during Superbowl weekend. Although the fact that everyone at the Superbowl party is eating spagetti and the idea that anyone in the U.S. would refer to the game as "american football" gives it away as being from the mind of someone who has never actually been to the United States. George Eastman reprises his role of a crazed madman, who this time has been driven crazy by Catholic scientific experiments which have left nearly every part of him, minus his brain, completely invulnerable. Absurd and Horrible are in fact very appropriate titles. The film even throws in a few Halloween plot devices with the unstoppable boogeyman terrorizing a babysitter while being tracked by someone who knows how to destroy him, this time a priest.

Absurd does contain quite a few gory kills, but was more than likely added to the video nasties list because of it's association with Anthropophagus. It's pretty entertaining and certainly has a good cheesy slasher vibe to it. I'll admit that I got a bit bored at times, but overall I feel like it was certainly better than Anthropophagus.



Enjoyability: 7 out of 12 beers

Quality: 4 1/2 out of 10 skulls

Video Nasty #7- Mardi Gras Massacre

(1978)
Director: Jack Weis
Writer: Jack Weis

The first word that comes to mind when I try to describe Mardi Gras Massacre is "awkward". Everything about this movie is awkward and clumsy; the acting, the dialogue, the soundtrack, the special effects, the plot. And I loved every minute of it.

The plot is a pretty thinly veiled rip-off of Blood Feast. A bizarrely mannered well-dressed man (played hilariously by William Metzo) strolls into New Orleans bars and strip clubs asking for the "most evil" woman there. He then takes her back to his place where he ties her to an altar and ritually sacrifices her to his god Quetzalcoatl while absolutely terrible disco music plays in the background. Meanwhile, two police officers are trying to get to the bottom of the strange series of murders. The video box promises that the film concludes in a "climactic nine-person sacrifice", but that never actually happens.

There's not a lot a whole lot I can say about Mardi Gras Massacre except that, aside from Return Of The Boogeyman (which as it turns out is not actually on the list), it is definitely the most ineptly made film I've seen on the video nasties list so far. Although unlike Return Of The Boogeyman, Mardi Gras Massacre is actually delightfully bad. I had a blast watching it and was constantly on the edge of my seat waiting for the next inexplicable line of dialogue, inappropriate use of disco music, or side-splittingly awful jump cut. If you're a fan of so-bad-they're-good horror films, it is definitely worth seeking out.

Enjoyability: 8 1/2 out of 12 beers.

Quality: 2 out of 10 skulls.

ULLI LOMMEL!!!!!

I have some very disheartening news to report. Maybe not disheartening to you, but absolutely devastating to me. I have to watch another Ulli Lommel film. It seems that I suffered needlessly through Return Of The Boogeyman, as it was actually Revenge Of The Boogeyman (aka Boogeyman II here in the states) that was banned. The fact that Return Of The Boogeyman was released in 1994, well after films were being added to the video nasties list, should have thrown up a red flag for me. I could take credit for my mistake and admit that I probably just had a copy of Return Of The Boogeyman lying around, didn't do my research, and just assumed that it was the correct film. I could do that. Or I could blame the nefarious hand of Ulli Lommel and declare him my nemesis. Somehow he is responsible for this. Batman has The Joker, Spider-Man has The Green Goblin, I have Ulli Lommel. I think I got the short end of the stick here. So, the next video nasty I review will be retroactively numbered #7, and normal numbering will commence from that point forward. The worst part is that I've already seen Boogeyman II and I know how terrible it is. I am not looking forward to this...