October Horror Movies Day 3

Day three started off with a movie that's been on my Netflix queue for a while, but I just never got around to watching. Lo (2009) concerns a young man named Justin who summons the demon Lo to rescue his true love from the depths of hell. It's clear from the small cast and lack of locations that this was a small-budgeted movie, however it pulls it off beautifully. The makeup effects are impressive and the story that unfolds is intriguing. The movie balances elements of horror and humor well without making either one feel forced. I actually found that this movie stuck with me for quite a while after it ended, and I certainly will be giving it another viewing again soon. Definitely check this one out if you get a chance. 10 1/2 out of 12 beers.

Next up was Sorority House Massacre (1986). This movie is your basic 'killer stalks house full of young girls' slasher with no real surprises or twists that you can't see coming from several dozen miles away. And that's exactly why I loved it. This movie transports me back to a time in my life when I would eagerly scour the wall of horror movies at my local mom and pop video store for horror movies that would fulfill my desire to be thoroughly creeped out, or at least see boobs. And then once I had picked a movie (or several movies) that I thought met the criteria, and after my parents had left for the evening, I would sit in my darkened house and bathe myself in the light of the television with a big bowl of popcorn at my side. I saw a lot of great horror movies that way, and also a lot of terrible ones, but I remember each of them intimately. So while Sorority House Massacre is not necessarily a great movie, even by slasher movie standards, it does warm my heart in the way only sleazy 80's killer-on-the-loose flicks can. 9 out of 12 beers.

October Horror Movies Day 2

Rainy days are a great opportunity to sit around and watch horror movies, and I got some good viewing in today. First up was The Sleeping Car (1990). This oddball ghost story was sort of uneven. At times I was bored with it, yet at other times it was so odd I couldn't help but enjoy it. There's no doubt that the great Kevin McCarthy is the highlight of this one. Though it did get kind of cool towards the end. 6 1/2 out of 12 beers.

After The Sleeping Car I needed something a bit more action-packed, so I popped in Hobgoblins 2 (2009), hoping that would do the trick. I was wrong. Hobgoblins 2 is terrible, and not necessarily in a good way. Many people may be familiar with the first Hobgoblins through it's appearance on Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was a great episode and Hobgoblins was a fun Gremlins knock-off that was probably meant to be taken just a little bit seriously. Hobgoblins 2 is a prime example of what happens when somebody purposely sets out to make a terrible movie. Instead of being cheesy and fun, it just comes off as desperate and unfunny. I'll admit, there were a few moments that made me laugh, but mostly I just wanted it to be over. 3 1/2 out of 12 beers.

 After Hobgoblins 2 was Dead End Drive-In (1986). I wouldn't really consider Dead End Drive-In a horror movie, but dangit, I'm counting it as one because that cover is super misleading. I figured from the cover that I would be in for a typical 80's slasher, but in actuality this movie is your typical Australian post-apocalyptic action flick. The plot concerns two teenagers who go to a drive-in only to find out that it's actually a walled off community from which there is no escape. Despite being misled, I actually enjoyed this one a lot. The main characters are likable enough and there were enough car chases, gunfights, and explosions to keep me interested. 8 out of 12 beers.

 

Finally, I rounded out the day with Bloody Birthday (1981). This movie is another in a long line that proves that there's nothing scarier than cold, calculating, emotionless children. And these kids are stone cold killers! The whole astrology angle that explains why these children are the way they are is real dumb, but some genuinely brutal kills along with an often-naked Julie Brown made this 80's slasher well worth my time. Definitely a great way to end tonight's viewing! 9 1/2 out of 12 beers.

October Horror Movies Day 1

Okay, so day one got off to a late start. I had some stuff to take care of in the morning and then I had to work in the evening, but as soon as I got home I grabbed a beer and turned on Monster Dog. To save a little bit of time, for the October movies I'm going to keep it real brief and just use the 12 beer scale of enjoyability.

It's no surprise to me that Monster Dog (1984) was directed by Claudio Fragasso. It shares two major characteristics with Fragasso's more infamous Troll 2- It's terrible and it's insanely fun! This Spanish production stars Alice Cooper as Vincent Raven, a shock rocker who returns to his ancestral home to shoot a music video. Bad werewolf effects, music video interludes, and Alice Cooper's oddly overdubbed voice abound. Seriously, check this one out. 10 out of 12 beers.

Bigfoot (2012) is an awful movie. But, then again it is a Syfy Channel Original, so that's to be expected. It stars Sherilyn Fenn as the town sherriff, Danny Bonaduce & Barry Williams as rival 80's ex-pop icons, and has a brief cameo by Alice Cooper. If all of these things coupled with a terrible CGI Bigfoot smashing shit sounds like a good time to you, you'll probably enjoy this. 6 out of 12 beers.

A Brief Intermission...

I love absolutely everything about the fall. Falling leaves, hoodie weather, pumpkin flavored beer, you name it, I'm into it. But rising above all of those things is my favorite holiday of all: Halloween! The idea for this blog actually came about in part from my friend over at Celluloid Terror (who probably sent most anyone reading this, but if you haven't checked out his site by all means do. He's got great write-ups of DVDs, and updates way more often than I do). Every October he participates in a contest where attempts to watch a staggering amount of horror movies in one month. This sounded like a lot of fun to me, so last year I attempted to watch fifty horror movies I had never seen before. I didn't make it, but I had a blast doing it and I'm going to try again this year. However, instead of clogging up my facebook with endless posts about movies no one else cares about, I've decided to keep track of the films I watch here. So throughout the month of October I will be posting very short (probably no more than a sentence or two) reviews of the films I watch. I don't know if I'll make it to fifty, but I'm sure I'll have a lot of fun trying. Also, any of these films that also fall into the category of Video Nasties will be reviewed in more depth and in a separate entry.

Video Nasty #8- Nightmare In A Damaged Brain

(1981)
Director: Romano Scavolini
Writer: Romano Scavolini

It took me quite a while to get around to this review of Nightmare In A Damaged Brain (more often simply referred to as Nightmare). The reason was that after my first viewing of the film, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. So I let the film roll around in my head a bit, and I re-watched it the other night. And I am still not sure what to write. The movie is not bad, not in the least. The special effects work (supposedly by Tom Savini, though he contested it and had his name removed from the film) is fairly impressive, and the cinematography is quite good as well. The film as a whole however, is just extraordinarily average. Every plot twist can be seen from a mile away, and you're never quite sure whether to be scared of our psychopathic antagonist or just feel sorry for him. Although, I have to admit that I would love to see an eyebrow-off between this guy and Eric Freeman from Silent Night, Deadly Night Pt. 2.

Nightmare gained most of it's notoriety as a video nasty due to the fact that the film's U.K. distributor, David Grant was sentenced to 18 months in prison (of which he served 6) for refusing to edit out a one second gore sequence. As far as I know, he's the only person to actually serve jail time during the whole video nasty era. Although I'm not really sure that it was worth it for Nightmare, you've got to admire a guy that sticks by his guns like that. All in all, I would say that I enjoyed Nightmare. Sure, it's an exceedingly average slasher, but in a world full of frustrating and irritating slashers that's not necessarily a bad thing. What it sets out to do, it does, and quite well.

Enjoyabilty: 6 out of 12 beers

Quality: 6 out of 10 skulls

Video Nasty #7- Return Of The Boogeyman

(1994)
Director: Deland Nurse
Writer: Deland Nurse

I'm convinced that the BBFC ban on Return Of The Boogeyman was less an act of censorship, and more an act of mercy. This movie is BAD. I mean really, REALLY bad. I tried very hard to think of a movie I've seen that's worse, and I can't come up with anything. Let's put this in perspective, shall we? I love bad movies. I've gleefully sat through Children Of The Living Dead. More than once. I'm strangely obsessed with Manos: The Hands Of Fate, even going so far as to dress as Torgo for Halloween. I once watched Birdemic: Shock & Terror twice in one day, and I'm looking forward to the steaming pile that I'm sure the sequel will be.

Return Of The Boogeyman broke me.

If you've ever watched Ulli Lommell's The Boogeyman and thought to yourself "What this movie really needs is to have every excruciatingly minor detail narrated by a near-comatose woman accompanied by a soundtrack that sounds like someone fell asleep on their casio.", then this is the film for you! Seriously. About 90% of the movie is stock footage from the first Boogeyman that's being narrated by this woman who's having a psychic vision. "I see a boy. He's wearing a red shirt. He's standing next to a car. He's opening the car door. He's getting in the car. He's starting the car. He's checking his mirrors. He's adjusting his seat." About ten minutes into the movie, time began to break apart. I desperately grabbed beer after beer, vainly hoping that I would become so drunk that some sort of alcohol-induced psychosis would take hold and I would hallucinate a better movie. How long had I been watching this film? Hours? Days? I had no idea. When the movie finally ended, a sense of relief washed over me. I'm pretty sure this movie itself is one of the layers of hell.

If you go to the Wikipedia entry for Return Of The Boogeyman (why it even has an entry is beyond me), the section titled Critical Reception simply reads "The film has terrible critical reviews.". No surprises there. I have a hard time believing that anyone, even the director, could possibly enjoy this movie. Probably the most entertaining part of Return Of The Boogeyman is this little excerpt from the back of the DVD case- "Filled with edgy photography and a truly menacing villain, Return Of The Boogeyman makes Nightmare On Elm Street look like sweet dreams and sugar plums!" Ha!

Enjoyability: 0 out of 12 beers.

There is not enough beer in the world to make this movie even tolerable.

Quality: 1/2 skull out of 10, for the director's uncanny ability to capture images and sound on a recording device.

Video Nasty #6- Don't Go In The House

(1980)
Director: Joseph Ellison
Writers: Joe Masefield, Joseph Ellison, Ellen Hammill

Don't Go In The House is a dark, gritty, subtly unnerving film. And that's just the way I like it! Sure, it doesn't win any points for originality; A disturbed loner living under the inescapable tyranny of his overbearing mother begins offing local women. Even the most casual and uninitiated of horror fans have seen this story countless times. What this film brings is a new method of disposal for the serial killer- A flamethrower! And who can blame him, disco music always makes me want to take a flamethrower to someone too! Seriously though, the first (and incidentally, only) murder we see is definitely one of the more disturbing ones ever seen in these types of films. The coldness of the steel-paneled room. Our protagonist, Donny, isolated in his fire-proof suit. The writhing and screaming as the fire hypnotically engulfs his victim. These are images that will stay with you long after the credits roll.

It's really no surprise at all that this movie made the banned list. "In a steel room built for revenge they die burning... in chains." Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Don't Go In The House is actually an incredibly well made film however. The cinematography is quite good and the film does an excellent job of making you feel kind of sorry for our deeply disturbed antihero. But with the aforementioned violence and underlying themes of child abuse, this film is definitely not for everyone.

Enjoyability: 9 out of 12 beers

Quality: 8 1/2 out of 10 skulls