Video Nasty #7- Return Of The Boogeyman

(1994)
Director: Deland Nurse
Writer: Deland Nurse

I'm convinced that the BBFC ban on Return Of The Boogeyman was less an act of censorship, and more an act of mercy. This movie is BAD. I mean really, REALLY bad. I tried very hard to think of a movie I've seen that's worse, and I can't come up with anything. Let's put this in perspective, shall we? I love bad movies. I've gleefully sat through Children Of The Living Dead. More than once. I'm strangely obsessed with Manos: The Hands Of Fate, even going so far as to dress as Torgo for Halloween. I once watched Birdemic: Shock & Terror twice in one day, and I'm looking forward to the steaming pile that I'm sure the sequel will be.

Return Of The Boogeyman broke me.

If you've ever watched Ulli Lommell's The Boogeyman and thought to yourself "What this movie really needs is to have every excruciatingly minor detail narrated by a near-comatose woman accompanied by a soundtrack that sounds like someone fell asleep on their casio.", then this is the film for you! Seriously. About 90% of the movie is stock footage from the first Boogeyman that's being narrated by this woman who's having a psychic vision. "I see a boy. He's wearing a red shirt. He's standing next to a car. He's opening the car door. He's getting in the car. He's starting the car. He's checking his mirrors. He's adjusting his seat." About ten minutes into the movie, time began to break apart. I desperately grabbed beer after beer, vainly hoping that I would become so drunk that some sort of alcohol-induced psychosis would take hold and I would hallucinate a better movie. How long had I been watching this film? Hours? Days? I had no idea. When the movie finally ended, a sense of relief washed over me. I'm pretty sure this movie itself is one of the layers of hell.

If you go to the Wikipedia entry for Return Of The Boogeyman (why it even has an entry is beyond me), the section titled Critical Reception simply reads "The film has terrible critical reviews.". No surprises there. I have a hard time believing that anyone, even the director, could possibly enjoy this movie. Probably the most entertaining part of Return Of The Boogeyman is this little excerpt from the back of the DVD case- "Filled with edgy photography and a truly menacing villain, Return Of The Boogeyman makes Nightmare On Elm Street look like sweet dreams and sugar plums!" Ha!

Enjoyability: 0 out of 12 beers.

There is not enough beer in the world to make this movie even tolerable.

Quality: 1/2 skull out of 10, for the director's uncanny ability to capture images and sound on a recording device.