Video Nasty #12- The Burning

(1981)
Director: Tony Maylam
Writers: Harvey Weinstein, Bob Weinstein, Tony Maylam, Brad Grey, & Peter Lawrence

I'll admit it. I was REALLY late to The Burning. I saw it for the first time a little under a year ago (not realizing that it was one of the movies on my video nasty checklist), but that's okay because I saw it under the best possible circumstances and it quickly became one of my favorites. My friends and I had headed up to a fantastic drive-in theater (still in operation today!) near Pittsburgh for their bi-annual horror movie marathon weekend. We got there kind of late and had missed most of the first feature, Friday The 13th. But I had seen Friday The 13th so many times that I wasn't too disappointed. As we were setting up camp (yes, you can camp out at this drive-in too), The Burning started up. I had heard of The Burning and was pretty excited to see it, so I kind of crapped out on setting up tents and whatnot pretty early. By the time the movie was about halfway through, everyone else was fully engrossed as well. The were some other fantastic movies playing that weekend, not the least of which were Day Of The Dead and Return Of The Living Dead, but The Burning really stood out for me. So once I found that it was part of my required viewing of video nasties, I was real excited to revisit it.

The real star of The Burning (aside from the incomparable George Costanza) is Tom Savini's makeup effects. Fresh off of his work on Dawn Of The Dead and Friday The 13th, this is Savini at his peak. The effects, and the raft massacre in particular, are no doubt what got this film put on the nasties list.

The Burning centers around the campfire legend of Cropsy, a summer camp caretaker who is burned alive in a terrible prank gone wrong. He then wanders the woods seeking out victims to take revenge upon. It's not a particularly complex movie, but it's a lot of fun and unlike many other summer camp slasher flicks, the teenagers are actually, for the most part, pretty likable characters. If you enjoy a good slasher and you haven't seen this one, you're missing out.

Enjoyability: 11 out of 12 beers

 Quality: 9 out of 10 skulls

Video Nasty #11- Absurd

(1981)
Director: Joe D'Amato
Writer: George Eastman

Absurd (a.k.a. Horrible, a.k.a. Rosso Sangue, a.k.a. The Monster Hunter, a.k.a. Zombi 6, a.k.a. Anthropophagus II: Anthropophagus Harder) is a fairly paint-by-numbers slasher that could only have come from Joe D'Amato. While not actually a sequel to Anthropophagus (and having absolutely nothing to do with any of the other Zombi films), the film does take a few elements from D'Amato's previous film. It takes place in the United States during Superbowl weekend. Although the fact that everyone at the Superbowl party is eating spagetti and the idea that anyone in the U.S. would refer to the game as "american football" gives it away as being from the mind of someone who has never actually been to the United States. George Eastman reprises his role of a crazed madman, who this time has been driven crazy by Catholic scientific experiments which have left nearly every part of him, minus his brain, completely invulnerable. Absurd and Horrible are in fact very appropriate titles. The film even throws in a few Halloween plot devices with the unstoppable boogeyman terrorizing a babysitter while being tracked by someone who knows how to destroy him, this time a priest.

Absurd does contain quite a few gory kills, but was more than likely added to the video nasties list because of it's association with Anthropophagus. It's pretty entertaining and certainly has a good cheesy slasher vibe to it. I'll admit that I got a bit bored at times, but overall I feel like it was certainly better than Anthropophagus.



Enjoyability: 7 out of 12 beers

Quality: 4 1/2 out of 10 skulls

Video Nasty #7- Mardi Gras Massacre

(1978)
Director: Jack Weis
Writer: Jack Weis

The first word that comes to mind when I try to describe Mardi Gras Massacre is "awkward". Everything about this movie is awkward and clumsy; the acting, the dialogue, the soundtrack, the special effects, the plot. And I loved every minute of it.

The plot is a pretty thinly veiled rip-off of Blood Feast. A bizarrely mannered well-dressed man (played hilariously by William Metzo) strolls into New Orleans bars and strip clubs asking for the "most evil" woman there. He then takes her back to his place where he ties her to an altar and ritually sacrifices her to his god Quetzalcoatl while absolutely terrible disco music plays in the background. Meanwhile, two police officers are trying to get to the bottom of the strange series of murders. The video box promises that the film concludes in a "climactic nine-person sacrifice", but that never actually happens.

There's not a lot a whole lot I can say about Mardi Gras Massacre except that, aside from Return Of The Boogeyman (which as it turns out is not actually on the list), it is definitely the most ineptly made film I've seen on the video nasties list so far. Although unlike Return Of The Boogeyman, Mardi Gras Massacre is actually delightfully bad. I had a blast watching it and was constantly on the edge of my seat waiting for the next inexplicable line of dialogue, inappropriate use of disco music, or side-splittingly awful jump cut. If you're a fan of so-bad-they're-good horror films, it is definitely worth seeking out.

Enjoyability: 8 1/2 out of 12 beers.

Quality: 2 out of 10 skulls.

ULLI LOMMEL!!!!!

I have some very disheartening news to report. Maybe not disheartening to you, but absolutely devastating to me. I have to watch another Ulli Lommel film. It seems that I suffered needlessly through Return Of The Boogeyman, as it was actually Revenge Of The Boogeyman (aka Boogeyman II here in the states) that was banned. The fact that Return Of The Boogeyman was released in 1994, well after films were being added to the video nasties list, should have thrown up a red flag for me. I could take credit for my mistake and admit that I probably just had a copy of Return Of The Boogeyman lying around, didn't do my research, and just assumed that it was the correct film. I could do that. Or I could blame the nefarious hand of Ulli Lommel and declare him my nemesis. Somehow he is responsible for this. Batman has The Joker, Spider-Man has The Green Goblin, I have Ulli Lommel. I think I got the short end of the stick here. So, the next video nasty I review will be retroactively numbered #7, and normal numbering will commence from that point forward. The worst part is that I've already seen Boogeyman II and I know how terrible it is. I am not looking forward to this...

Video Nasty #10- Terror Eyes

 I've been neglecting this blog for too long, I know. Unfortunately due to a busy personal life, busy work schedule, and to be perfectly honest, just plain laziness, I sort of let it get behind me. I'm determined to keep up with it a bit more frequently now. Especially since I've now got quite a few of the films on the list just lying around waiting to be watched, and still others on the way. So after my much too long sabbatical, I decided to start with a good old slasher flick.

(1981)
Director: Ken Hughes
Writer: Ruth Avergon

Terror Eyes (also known as Night School) aside from having a very clever title, is a fairly typical slasher film. That's not to say that it's bad. It's actually quite good, there's just not a whole lot about it that stands out. The plot concerns a Boston police leuitenant on the trail of a motorcycle helmet wearing killer who chops off victims' heads with a knife (something that seems to me like it would be very difficult to do) and leaves their severed heads in water nearby. Most of the victims are students at a nearby girls' school and are connected to that school's  anthropology professor. Despite the rather novel method of execution, the movie doesn't provide many graphic kills. Many of the murders are off screen or, in some cases, take place almost entirely behind a closed door. That being said, that specific kill is probably the most interesting one in the movie. Although enjoyable enough, the film is pretty predictable. Despite the numerous red herrings thrown at us, anyone who's paying attention should be able to guess who the killer is well before the reveal.

It's hard to say why this film made the list of video nasties when there are so many other gorier horror films that didn't. I've heard that it was supposedly the excessive amount of "women being threatened by knives". It could have been the kinky blood-soaked shower sex scene with the lovely Rachel Ward. Or it may simply have been the sleazy video cover. Any way, it certainly isn't extreme enough in my opinion to have been banned. Terror Eyes is not really one of the best slashers of it's time, but I would still reccommend it to anyone who, like me, is a fan of 80's slasher flicks.

Enjoyability: 8 out of 12 beers

Quality: 7 out of 10 skulls

October Horror Movies Day 31

On Halloween night, I decided to settle in with some nice Halloween-themed classics. It had been a while since I saw Halloween III: Season Of The Witch (1982) and it seemed like the perfect movie for the night. Halloween III was the first Halloween movie I saw, and I vividly remember it. I was at my grandparents' house and I was watching it on an 8" television in the kitchen, constantly on the lookout for my grandparents for fear that I would get in trouble for watching a scary movie. I remember being somewhat confused because even though I hadn't seen any of the other Halloween movies, I had heard tales of the terrifying Michael Myers that lurked within them. Yet this film contained no Michael Myers. I think it was because of my unfamiliarity with the Halloween movies that I enjoyed this one as much as I did. And it seems to get more enjoyable upon every viewing. I'm not saying that Halloween III should be considered a classic, but it stands on it's own as a fun little Halloween-themed horror film. Also, I really want a Silver Shamrock mask. I often wonder what would have happened if the Halloween franchise had continued on with non-Michael Myers themed plots. It surely wouldn't have spawned as many sequels, but it also would have probably produced at least a few films better that some of the terrible sequels that have come out lately. 7 out of 12 beers.

Trick 'r Treat (2007) has become a modern Halloween classic despite (or perhaps because of) it sitting on the shelf for nearly two years after it was finished. Dumped onto DVD instead of the theatrical release it was originally slated for, Trick 'r Treat has gained a cult following mostly due to the fact that it's essentially a love letter to Halloween. Trick 'r Treat is an anthology film that weaves together four separate stories that all take place in one small town on Halloween night. This movie is essential for Halloween viewing. Especially with a big bag of candy. 10 1/2 out of 12 beers.

Next up was one of my favorite horror movies as a child, The Monster Squad (1987). This movie is like The Goonies for monster kids. A group of kids have to protect themselves and the world from a group of classic horror movie monsters (Dracula, The Mummy, The Wolfman, The Creature From The Black Lagoon, and Frankenstein's Monster) that return every 100 years to bring about chaos on earth. This movie is great and is a prime example of a movie from the 80's that could never be made today. The protagonists are kids, which firmly establishes the film as a kid's movie. Yet the film is completely politically incorrect (as kids usually are) and actually deals with some fairly heavy subject matters. Add in some light gore and profanity, and you've got the perfect recipe for a movie made for kids that parents will hate. Though my parents never had a problem with The Monster Squad (and believe me, I watched it a LOT), I absolutely loved this movie. Four of the biggest names in monsterdom? What monster kid wouldn't love it? The Monster Squad is perfect for Halloween viewing. 11 out of 12 beers.

And finally, I ended the month with one more horror movie I had never seen. Rocktober Blood (1984) is a pretty entertaining heavy metal slasher flick. Basically, a famous rock star kills massacres a bunch of people and then is executed for his crimes. Several years later, he apparently comes back from the dead and terrorizes his ex-girlfriend who now fronts his former band. It's just as silly as it sounds, and I have to admit it was fun. Also, the music by the band Sorcery is not bad if you can appreciate 80's heavy metal. 7 1/2 out of 12 beers.

So that concludes my month long quest of watching 50 horror movies I've never seen in one month. At a grand total of 56 movies (52 of which I hadn't seen before), I consider it a victory. Though I won't be documenting every horror movie I watch from here on out, I can guarantee that I will not stop watching them any time soon. I look forward to trying to beat my record again next year. And on the horizon, I've got a few more video nasties lined up which I can hopefully get around to soon.

October Horror Movies Day 30

Unfortunately because of my work schedule, I didn't have the chance to watch more movies until the 29th. Then, just as I was about to settle in for a movie marathon, Hurricane Sandy took out our power. I know it could have been worse than a power outage, but it was still disappointing. When I awoke on the 30th to find we had power, I immediately put on a movie.

Midnight (1982) is directed and based on a novel by John Russo, most commonly known as one of the screenwriters of the original Night Of The Living Dead. The movie follows a teenage runaway who meets up with some college kids on their way to Spring Break. After they run into some trouble with the law for stealing groceries, they hide out in a backwoods area where more trouble awaits them. Midnight is not an exceptionally original movie. We've seen it's basic plot countless times over in horror movies, however Midnight has an air of sleaziness to it that makes it work. It's hard to explain, but there's kind of a feeling of dread and unease that permeates the film. I personally have never heard of this film, but I feel like I should have. It's certainly not the best horror movie, but I feel like it should be mentioned more than it is. 8 out of 12 beers.

After an extremely frustrating day at work, I needed something to calm me down. I figured that after watching fifty-one horror movies I had never seen before, I had earned the right to relax with an old friend. That old friend was Little Shop Of Horrors (1986). Little Shop Of Horrors is my go-to movie. I put it on when I'm angry, I put it on when I'm sad, I put it on when I'm happy, and I put it on when I'm drunk. There's just something about the movie that makes everything right with the world. I'm a devoted horror maniac and gore-hound, but I'm not ashamed to admit that this musical is probably my favorite film of all time. I could literally gush about this movie for hours, but I'll just end by saying that the newly released Blu-Ray looks fantastic and it's great to finally see the spectacularly apocalyptic original ending fully restored and looking better than ever. Little Shop Of Horrors gets 12 out of 12 beers.