First on my list was 3 Way Weekend (1980). Like a lot of 70's & 80's sex comedies, 3 Way Weekend plays out like someone was given a one sentence premise like "Two horny girls go hiking." and they just started spitballing ideas from there until they finally said "Fuck it, that's the script. Let's get some naked girls and do this!". Cocaine may or may not have also been involved. That being said, I'll do my best to describe the plot of 3 Way Weekend.
Veronica and Mindy are the two horny girls that go hiking, but unbeknownst to them they are being watched by Howard Creep, a horny guy in a gorilla mask that's been in the woods for too long. Did I mention that Veronica and Mindy are taking off their tops and making out for no discernible reason? Because they are. They soon cross paths with a sadistic forest ranger with a whip who's obsessed with finding and punishing commie perverts. He's also comically bad with the whip. He warns them to look out for pinko pervs, but soon decides he doesn't have time for "them lezzies".
Are you following me so far?
That night, Veronica and Mindy are sexually assaulted by Howard and after fending him off decide that they actually kind of wanted to be raped by a weirdo in a gorilla mask, so they go looking for him. They come across an abandoned cabin, get shitfaced, and fall asleep.
I think we're about fifteen minutes into the movie now. Are you ready for more?
In the morning, Howard comes across the cabin, chloroforms Veronica (probably, they're pretty interchangeable) with mouthwash, and runs off into the woods with her. When Mindy wakes up and goes looking for her friend, the owner of the cabin returns. The owner is a former G.I. who is on his honeymoon with his new bride, a Korean prostitute (played incredibly racistly by a woman who is probably only vaguely Asian). Meanwhile, Veronica and her captor are bonding (Stockholm syndrome, probably) and are on the run from the justice-seeking forest ranger. Giving up rather easily, Mindy soon returns to the cabin to find the newlywed couple having sex. Inexplicably, Mindy hits the husband on the ass with a guitar so hard that the couple become stuck together. Mindy explains that she thought the female was her friend, but doesn't explain how that excuse made any damn sense in her head. Feeling guilty, Mindy decides to help them get unstuck. After several fruitless attempts, Mindy, the husband (who it turns out is also a drug dealer), and the wife all decide to smoke a bunch of weed and take a shower together. During their shower, Howard returns to the cabin and assaults everyone, sending the newlywed couple (still stuck together) fleeing.
We're maybe halfway through the movie now. Are you still following? Because I wasn't.
I won't lie, I kind of tuned out at this point. There's a scene where Veronica tries to help Howard get his boner back by performing a striptease to country music while he and Mindy watch. The forest ranger suddenly starts wearing a trenchcoat and Richard Nixon mask. There's some kind of showdown with a local pig farmer, and then it just sort of ends. I guarantee you that my description of the movie makes it sound way more interesting than it actually is. It's certainly a wacky sex comedy, but it's wackiness tends to wear thin pretty quickly. At the end of the day, 3 Way Weekend is just average. It's something that's worth putting on in the background if you're drinking with friends that also enjoy dumb movies, but it's really a chore if you're just watching it by yourself. 3 out of 6 beers.
No comments:
Post a Comment