(1996)
Director: John Russo
Writer: John Russo
Santa Claws begins with young Wayne waking up in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve to find his widowed mother having sex with his uncle. So he shoots them both dead. Years later, he is the creepy neighbor of scream queen actress Raven Quinn (Debbie Rochon), who he's obsessed with. Struggling with raising children and her crumbling marriage, Raven turns to Wayne with her problems. He takes this as a sign to murder people he feels have wronged her. The Santa suit is more of an afterthought if anything.
Oh how far John Russo has fallen... The co-writer of one of the greatest and most influential horror films of all time, Night Of The Living Dead, brings us 83 minutes of barely competent shots, boring dialogue, and an entirely forgettable killer that has only a vague motive. Santa Claws actually reminded me a lot of Ed Wood's Orgy Of The Dead in that it's about 20 minutes worth of plot padded out to movie length with unending stripteases. The main difference is that Orgy Of The Dead's plot was more interesting, featured better actors, and it's stripteases were more arousing. The only saving grace of Santa Claws is Debbie Rochon who is not only lovely, but actually ends up giving a somewhat engaging performance. A miracle really, considering the material that she's given to work with. Santa Claws is pretty much garbage. I don't really want to think about how much alcohol would be needed to make it fun. 1 1/2 out of 6 beers.
And with that, Bastard Of Cinema's 25 Days Of Christmas comes to an end. Although it kind of came down to the wire with me being able to get these done, especially in the midst of getting a promotion at work and being forced to be there six days a week during the holiday season, I actually did have a lot of fun. I got to revisit some old classics I hadn't seen in years and discover a few new ones along the way. Some were terrible and a bit difficult to sit through, but some of those also oddly produced some of the most fun reviews to write. Believe it or not, there are actually enough Christmas horror movies out there for me to be able to do this again next year. Although I might be scraping the bottom of the barrel with that Caesar & Otto movie... I don't know, we'll see. Either way, after 75 movies in October and 25 more in December, I feel like I need a bit of a break so things will probably slow down a little here. But don't worry, there will be more surprises on the horizon! Until then, relax, have a beer, and enjoy some cheese.
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