(1989)
Director: Jeffrey Mandel
Writer: Jeffrey Mandel
When typical teenager Kirsten accidentally cuts her hand during a joke pagan ritual that she and her friends are having in the woods, she unknowingly awakens an elf (NOT elves as the title implies). The elf is an ancient creature which is crucial in a group of Nazis' plan to breed with her bloodline to create a perfect master race of half-human, half-elf beings. Meanwhile, Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty plays Mike McGavin, a chain-smoking mall Santa who doubles as the most courteous tough-guy detective you've ever seen. When the elf attacks Kirsten and her friends in the mall after hours, Mike is there to fend it off and helps her to unravel the conspiracy of Nazi elf hijinks that surrounds her. To be honest, all you need to know about the movie is this:
If that slack-jawed, rubber puppet running around seems like a fun time to you, then you should definitely check out Elves. Even though the creature effects are terrible, they show it a lot. And it's hilarious every time. Add to the mix some hilarious dialogue like "You've got fucking big tits and I'm going to tell everybody I saw them." and "Santa said oral." and you've got a recipe for a great bad movie. Elves is not a good movie by any means, but if you're looking to kick back with some eggnog and some friends you can't go wrong. 2 1/2 out of 6 beers.
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