I decided to start the day off a little differently with some animation. Dracula: Sovereign Of The Damned (1980) is a Japanese produced animation based off of Marvel Comics' Tomb Of Dracula series. Even though I am admittedly a Marvel nerd, I've never really read too much of their Dracula series. So I honestly couldn't tell you how true to the comics this is, but it is certainly chock full of absurd moments that could only happen in anime or comic books.
I will now try to explain the plot as simply as I can. It starts out with a Boston area Satanic cult performing a ritual to summon Lucifer and offer him a bride. Instead of Lucifer, Dracula shows up and steals the woman away for his own. Before he is able to turn the woman into a vampire, a strange feeling overtakes him. As he raises his fists to the sky and awkwardly shouts "What Is This Feeeeeeeliiiiiing?!?!?", we realize that of course he has fallen in love with the woman. Meanwhile, a descendant of Van Helsing, his assistant, and a dog track down the last living relative of Dracula, who has escaped the curse and also knows kung-fu. After a little persuading, he joins them in their quest to track down and put an end to Dracula's cruel reign. A year later, Dracula and his true love now have an infant son and are blissfully smitten. The team of vampire hunters still have not found Dracula but, as Van Helsing's descendant explains, their dog has been doing his job by "showing us all of the places Dracula is not" and now he can lead them right to him. Yeah. Good work, Cujo. Conveniently, the vampire hunters finally pinpoint Dracula at the same time that he is led into a trap by Lucifer himself. During the confrontation, one of the devil worshipers threatens Dracula with a gun containing silver bullets. Cleverly, Dracula decides to dodge the bullet while his wife and son are standing behind him. With his son now dead, Dracula gets pissed and goes into hiding. One day while she is mourning by her son's grave and the vampire hunters are hiding in the bushes being creepy, Dracula's true love (Delores, by the way) is witness to a miracle. Her infant son rises from his grave, is touched by holy light, and transforms into a full grown man in a spandex costume. Because he is sent by God, he must inevitably do battle with his father, the prince of all vampires.
Dracula: Sovereign Of The Damned was awesome in the way only a terribly dubbed anime from the 80's can be. Though the plot is convoluted and cheesy, the animation is awful, and the voice acting is Saturday morning cartoon quality (or worse), I can't deny that I enjoyed the hell out of this. It was a great way to start the day! 9 out of 12 beers.
Keeping in the Dracula spirit, I decided to follow this up with Dracula: The Dirty Old Man (1969). This movie could very well have ruined my day. Apparently something happened to the sound for the movie, because the entire film is overdubbed. Often with men doing the female voices as well. The loose plot concerns Dracula, who lives in a cave, recruiting a werewolf (Irving Jeckyllman) to kidnap beautiful young girls for him. And that's about all that happens. Dracula's voice (and the werewolf's voice, and the voice of most of the women actually) is that of an extremely Jewish man, cracking cheesy jokes the entire time. It's so dumb it's actually really amusing. I almost became uncomfortable when the werewolf began performing necrophilia, but then I remembered how stupid this movie was. After about ten to twenty minutes however, the novelty of this movie begins to wear thin and it becomes a bit painful to sit through. 4 out of 12 beers.
Finally, I finished the day with The Clown Murders (1976). I find it hard to believe that this was the movie's original title. With a title like that and the lurid cover, you would expect to be watching a slasher film when you pop it in. The Clown Murders is not so much a slasher, but a slow-burn thriller. It focuses on a group of old friends who share a common disdain for a wealthy businessman. They hatch a scheme to dress as clowns during a Halloween party and kidnap his wife (who also happens to be an old flame of one of the men), preventing him from closing a lucrative business deal. However, things take a serious turn when the police become involved and the movie focuses on how the characters unravel as tensions begin to rise. Although it wasn't really what I was expecting, The Clown Murders was actually a very good movie and is notable for featuring a very young pre-fame John Candy. 7 1/2 out of 12 beers.
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